I Said No but God Said Yes (Part 2)

I told God “I hate being alone” and God said to me “I’m sending your husband away for three months with no communication.” Talk about feeling alone in the world! I was 7 months pregnant when my husband left for Boot Camp. I was pretty sure at that time that he wouldn’t be back until after our first child was born. As a general rule, I don’t like being alone at all! Even if I’m sick and contagious, I want someone to be with me. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I definitely didn’t want to have my baby “alone” either! To have your husband leave you at such a critical juncture in your life is quite unnerving. During the three months he was gone, I prayed a lot for wisdom and peace about our decision. I began thinking of deployments and training periods and all the other times my husband could possibly be gone. It was so easy to let my mind go to all the worst possible scenarios. But I had to keep coming back to the fact that God was always with me and I was never truly alone. He was giving me a wonderful baby that would, for the next 18 years at least, always be with me. I was never truly going to be alone again and God was providing for that in His perfect way. Military wives go through things “alone” all the time but those of us who trust in the Lord are never truly alone and that is such a comfort to me.

This may seem silly, but I told God “I don’t like going to the doctor” so God said “I have 9 months of doctors appointments lined up for you.” I have never really liked doctor’s offices and even in college I would ask my boyfriend, now my husband, to go just to sit in the waiting room with me. That to me is the hardest part, sitting in that cold room waiting to be called back to see the doctor. Most of these appointments I had to attend alone. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my poor husband was working a lot trying to provide for our family so he couldn’t go and at the end of the pregnancy he was gone for training. For those of you who have had babies you know that most of your doctor’s appointments occur at the end of the pregnancy, so he missed the majority of them while he was in Boot Camp. During all those appointments, the Lord gave me strength and courage to get through them and to have a very healthy pregnancy! He gave me a wonderful friend who also was pregnant that I could share all my experiences with. I couldn’t believe how the Lord worked it out so that twice my husband was able to be off for my appointments! Of the two times he was able to be there the first was when we heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time and the second was the ultrasound where we saw our baby for the first time. God kept reminding me that there are military wives everywhere who do things like doctor’s appointments alone every day and I’m not the only one.

The final time I want to share with you is when I told God that I trusted Him and He proved to me that I was still learning what trust truly is. After my husband left for Boot Camp, I kept telling people that I was fine and I was trusting God for whatever came my way while Ryan was gone. But after a series of circumstances and conversations I realized that I was saying what I wanted people to hear. It wasn’t truly what was in my heart. It wasn’t until God withheld some things from me that I realized that I didn’t trust that He was protecting or taking care of me. Our pastor in Texas had recently preached a message on needing only God. His point was that we don’t need money, we don’t need insurance, and we don’t need a spouse to be secure in this life. We need only HIM! Those points in our pastor’s message hit home so hard during Boot Camp. While my husband was gone, we didn’t see any of the money that he was making. It was put into a bank account that neither of us had access to until after he graduated. Only then did God teach me that I don’t need money to trust Him. He had allowed us to build up a small amount of savings, an amount that was perfect for the time my husband was gone. I also didn’t have insurance for 3 months because I did not have Power of Attorney to get my military ID. Again, God proved that he was my Great Physician and He was taking better care of me than any doctor ever could. Of course, my husband was gone and unreachable for most of the time except by letters that basically took a week to get to him. That taught me that I don’t “need” my husband, I need only God.

God has proved Himself so faithful in my life and I look forward to how He will continue to teach me more in the future. I love being a part of the Marine family and I know this is where God has our family for the time being. 

I Said No but God Said Yes (Part 1)

As I was thinking back over my husband and I’s journey into the “land of the leathernecks” I realized that several times I told God “No, I would never do that” and God said to me “O ye of little faith”. It started off with me telling God I didn’t want to marry a Marine. My view of the Marine Corps was that they were all stuck up and snobby about their “lofty” position, even though I failed to see it as such. Most Marines will even admit to being stuck up and snobby because they think they are the best. I tend to agree with them now but not when I was telling God no. I didn’t like most of the Marines that I knew, and now as I look back I realize I didn’t know that many. I didn’t want my husband to become one of “them”. When my husband first started considering the military, he was looking at the Navy and I was alright with that. I gave God my stamp of approval on that and was excited about becoming a Navy wife. However, as the months dragged on while we waited for a job opening, my husband said he couldn’t leave our growing family hanging with no substantial job in the immediate future and he started looking to other branches of service. I was currently 6 months pregnant. He had come to the conclusion, after much prayer and thought, that the military was where God was leading him but not necessarily to the Navy. He wanted to talk with the Marine recruiters and I almost said out loud “No way!” After my own thought and prayer I realized that this may very well be where the Lord wanted my husband. I went with him to the recruiters and he left there saying “I want to do some PT with them and run the IST and see how I do.” He did such a good job and enjoyed it so much that he came home knowing this is what God wanted him to pursue. After that, the Lord clearly paved the way for him and once things got rolling, they haven’t stopped! Again, the Lord was making His way clear to us and it was definitely different from mine!

The next time I remember verbally saying no was when we were deciding who would be there with me for the birth of our first child. I wanted it to just be me and my husband to enjoy this miracle. Even though I knew my mom wanted to be there I said no and she decided she wasn't going to come until after our baby was born. Because of the uncertainties of babies coming, she wasn’t sure whether she should book a flight for my due date or wait until we called and said I was in labor. She decided on waiting until she got the call so she most definitely wouldn’t have been there for the birth. But, with everything falling into place so quickly with the Marine Corps my husband most definitely wasn't going to be there...he would be in Boot Camp far, far away so now God was telling me "Yes, Leah will be there with you." From this I was learning that Gods ways are not always our ways and He always has a much better plan in mind for us. What only He knew at that time was that my husband would make it back in time for our daughter’s birth and with a few hours to spare! 

                Before we were even pregnant with Aurora, I had told God how I wanted things laid out. We were going to start our family after we had been married for 2 years. That would give us enough time to do what we wanted, which was mostly taking a couple vacations just by ourselves. We would also be able to pay back most, if not all, of my husband’s college loans and then we would be more financially secure and feel more like it was time to start a family. Again, I was telling God “No, I don’t want a child yet” but God was saying “I have a different plan in mind for you.” As I look into my beautiful daughter’s face, I realize that His plan is always best but so often it doesn’t match ours at all. We were not expecting to be pregnant 7 months after we got married but God had something different in mind. 

Well, a lot is changing...

Just a week ago, it seems like my life completely changed course. If you are a military wife, then you would know exactly what I am talking about. My husband joined the Marines. I grew up in a military town (mostly Navy pilots) so I'm not a stranger to the military but I will tell you this: it's a totally different ballgame when you are part of it. I do consider myself to be a part of the military as well because my husband and I are one (Mark 10:8 "and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh") and that means we both joined. Trust me, I went through enough paperwork to have joined myself! We get to go through a lot of it all over again when the baby comes...whew, I'm tired just thinking about it. Right now, he won't be leaving for anything until after the baby comes but that all could change. 

I feel like all my life God has been teaching me two specific lessons over and over. The first one is trusting Him. (2 Samuel 22:31 " As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.") We had been in the process of my husband trying to join for a couple months now and it finally went through. It was a long and very frustrating process! The Lord planted the idea of being in the military in Ryan's mind in college and since then the Lord has been working on both of us to trust Him when He moved us in that direction. Up until this year, there was never a time that we both agreed that it was a good idea since my Junior year of college (about 3 years ago). The last time we talked about it, we both agreed that maybe the Lord was pushing us toward that goal. We are both very excited about how the Lord will use this in our lives and the life of our family. We both have had a burden for awhile now for small churches and church plants and this looks like a great opportunity to serve in MANY different churches! Our kids will be able to live in different places that might not have been possible with another job. Of course, we haven't committed to a career in the military...we are waiting on the Lord for that decision until we have been in that lifestyle for awhile. 

The second lesson is flexibility. (Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. ~Anonymous) This one will come in very handy with the military. I'm the planner of the family so we have Plan A-Z mapped out for how all this could "go down" in the next couple (or several!) months but we could totally scrap all those and finish with a plan we hadn't even imagined! I truly believe that God has a sense of humor and every time I worry about something or how it will turn out God laughs and says "Look, I had a plan for you and you weren't trusting me again. My plan was much better than you could ever have thought!" So I guess these two lessons go hand in hand with each other. But the major lesson here is that I have my plans, God has His, and I know He sees the big picture when I don't. (Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.")

Right now, I see the changes and I am choosing to look forward to all the lessons that we could possibly learn between now and when everything starts to happen. It helps that I can see how excited my husband is about it and how calm he stays about everything. I am so thankful for him and how God uses him in my life.

New Beginnings, New Baby

My husband and I went to the doctor this morning for the first official pictures of our little one. Of course, I was very excited and he was trying not to show it.

My only exposure to having a baby thus far has been my Mom's last pregnancy 11 years ago. (She was a very private person about such things and I tend to be the same way!) The only appointment I was able to go with her to was the one where we saw the baby on the ultrasound. Other than that, I was old enough to stay in the waiting room with my brothers and watch them while Mom had her appointments. So, I had no idea what to expect today other than what I had seen on a few shows with pregnant women on them. In them, they show the mom and dad looking at a monitor and seeing the baby for the first time and oooooooing and ahhhhing over the little one. I have to say that after today, I know those shows are no longer accurate in that respect. They neglect to show you that the process is about an hour long in a semi-uncomfortable position for people whose stomachs are larger than they normally should be. About halfway through my appointment I started getting very uncomfortable and hot. Being the "silent sufferer" that I am in those situations, I kept my mouth shut and tried to move on. Thankfully, the doctor performing the ultrasound noticed my discomfort and asked if I needed to stop for a minute. I told her that would be great and she advised me to roll over on my side in order to get blood flowing back through my body like it should be. As I think back to that situation, I realized all I had to do was ask for a minute to take a break and feel better because this is a common problem among women having their first anatomical ultrasound. I then realized how applicable this is to other areas of life as well. I don't have to "suffer" alone in this life. I have a loving Heavenly Father to whom I can go at any time and ask whatever I need. He promises to "never leave us, nor forsake us". He knows my needs before I voice them but He wants me to come to Him with my wants, needs, and desires. I know that the correlation is kind of funny but so very true. Of course, I want to be constantly in touch with my Father even when I don't "need" anything. Personally, I hate only talking to people when I need something from them and I'm not the biggest fan of it when people do it to me. Why then do I do it to my Heavenly Father? 

I love drawing analogies from every day life and seeing how the Lord is teaching and growing me. I just wish I was better at it...

My First Blog

Well, I have never done a blog before and I wasn't really sure about starting. After several friends of mine started their own, I decided it was time to share my thoughts as well. I am a young, homemaker (almost Mommy in January 2013!!) who is just trying to do what the Lord has for her.

My husband and I got married in October of last year and are expecting our first little one in January of 2013. We were not really planning on being parents this early on in our marriage but God had different plans and we are continuing to see that His plans are always best. We are not going to find out what our baby is until it arrives so we will be as surprised as everyone else at what "it" is. Right now, we call the baby "Baby Borg" but normally it gets referred to as a he. Mostly my husband's doing as he is very hopeful that it will be a boy!

I want to share my thoughts with other young moms/homemakers about living here in Texas and sharing the love of Christ with others. Hope you enjoy!

Leah